Colleagues who seek victory in the office instead of the marketplace can hold a team hostage with their emotional blackmail
I used to have a colleague, John, with whom I had a complicated relationship. John was bright and capable, but he had another attribute that gave me agita on a regular basis: He really, really needed to win.
When we'd disagree about an issue, John would get miffed and say: "Don't you trust me enough to defer to me on this issue?" I'd have to say: "Of course I trust you. But we disagree on this matter, and that's going to happen from time to time." As a manager, I had to make decisions based on my knowledge, combined with my gut, not some invisible tally of "I overruled you last time, so this time you can win."
The trouble is, John was keeping score. He would become enraged when I failed to support him on the smallest issue—so much so that I realized, over time, how much I was avoiding conflict with him. Conflict-avoidance is common, but managers need to be willing to make tough calls even if doing so upsets the people around them.
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